That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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