Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
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I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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