I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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