It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
