I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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