you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
