omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize