I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
