As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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