Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
