Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
