i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
