Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
