watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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