Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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