My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize