I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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