just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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