Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
