Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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