Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
