did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
