My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
