you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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