do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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