There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
