My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
