lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
