so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
