it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
