Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
