she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
