Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How's work?
Spinning.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
