i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
