when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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