Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize