the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
