Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
