We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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