Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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