I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
