she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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