I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
