this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
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I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
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I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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