it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
