How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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