i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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