you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
