I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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