Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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