can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
