What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
