You smell like a Billy Joel song
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
