How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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