That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
