Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
