so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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