All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
