Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
