He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
