Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
