just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
