The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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