I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize