It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
