"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
