I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm passing your future prison.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
