It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
