I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
