We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
