is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
